Crazy dreams are back again

Parents called me on skype a while ago to wish me happy Diwali. Out of the blue, they asked me if I wanted to come to India for the Christmas break. Mom already had the ticket prices figured out. But I refused. Mom went on about how this is the one opportunity I have to visit India because there will be other things going on.
" Divya' s exams will be going on, you might want to take courses in the summer..."
I didn't budge. They didn't tell me until a few minutes later that there had been a death in the family.

I had a dream last weekend; about a death in the family... It was Manik tauji. I don't know why it was him. I don't even remember seeing how it happened. But there were definitely some weird circumstances. I saw myself getting ready for his funeral. But something was odd. I was wearing a black suit. As if I was getting ready to go to a Christian funeral.

People wear white clothes to Hindu funerals in India. Even outside India, the close family and the mourners will wear white because of the belief that after death the soul is at peace and free from worldly desires.

So why the black suit? Why was the funeral being held in the western style? I haven't stopped pondering this myself. I am sure that the death was in my family and Most of my family resides in India. But I was clearly in the west. What was the meaning of this? A reference to how I don't intend to return to India again? Or was it a premonition or a warning in disguise?

Too Easy?

English 123:33

Essay Packet 1

Yash Gupta

Too Easy?

This was not the first time I would be going to the US embassy in Toronto for a visa interview. So naturally, I was prepared: my visa forms were filled out and printed off and I made sure to let people at work know I was not coming in the next day. Finally, I looked up the location of the embassy again and made a mental note of how to get there.Then set my alarm for early next morning and got some sleep. I am rarely so well prepared. It was going to be a piece of cake.

The day was going to go down in history as the best day of my life while simultaneously being the worst. Did I mention I am never well prepared? I was giving one last check to my paperwork before I left and realized that I had missed one document. Since mine was an F-1 Visa, I was required to pay an additional fee through SEVIS website which wasn’t required last time. And since I had neglected to go over the papers sent from SCAD, I was blissfully unaware of it until then!

I figured I’d pay the SEVIS fee now and leave, then just get a printout from Staples. However, when I tried to make the payment, I realized that my credit card didn’t have enough balance on it. “Oh, I will just transfer some money over from my checking,” I said to myself. But even the checking account didn’t have enough funds. I started freaking out! I only had about 3 hours before the appointment. Just commuting to downtown Toronto was going to take about 2 hours! I could not miss this visa appointment because I failed to make a payment! I also wouldn’t have told anyone that I made such a blunder. So I devised a plan.

I would run to the nearest TD bank and use my “traveler’s ATM card” to withdraw money that I needed for these payments. And after depositing it to my checking and visa accounts, I’d have to run back home and make the payment online.

“Ah, if only I could ask someone to make the payment from their computer and email me the receipt, I could directly head downtown.”

“No, I cannot tell anybody that I goofed up! It’s too embarrassing.” I argued with myself. All that, if done within an hour, still gave me only 2 hours to scramble to the embassy downtown.

I ran to the bank about a kilometer from my building, used my card to withdraw cash from the ATM and walked in to the bank. I didn’t have a watch or a cell phone with me because they do not allow people to take any electronics inside the embassy. I estimated that it had been 15 minutes. I frantically scanned the walls inside the bank. I was looking for a clock; somebody else might have suspected I was checking for security cameras. Not long after, it was my turn.

“Hello, how are you doing?” She asked with a smile.

“I’m fine, thank you.” I replied back politely.

“Do you know about our new offer…” she started

I do not like speaking over people or interrupting. But at that moment, every second seemed like a minute, it was like she was talking to me in slow motion and I just had to...

“No thank you! I do not have time for this! I need to deposit some cash to my checking and visa” I snarled.

“Okay,” She timidly backed off and co-operated with me.

“How soon can I use my visa again?” I asked politely.

“Immediately. Anything else?”

“Yes, I need $130 in US dollars” I said with a smile on my face. Isn’t it awesome when things simply work?

“Okay, let me check.” She went to the back and checked if they had enough american bills.

“Thank you” I said. But to me she might as well have been an ATM machine.

After the transaction was completed as planned, before I left, I now got softer and said,

“Excuse me; I wanted to ask you one more thing.”

“I thought you didn’t have time.” She taunted me back. I still think about it and laugh at how she grabbed the opportunity to get back at me!

“I just wanted to know what time it was.”

Running back to the apartment again, took me about 15 minutes as well. I immediately made the payment, saved the e-receipt to my USB key and ran out the door. The bus stops going both ways were just a stone’s throw from the apartment. I dashed to the bus stop hoping that I didn’t just miss one.

One bus and two subway trains later, I was downtown. I didn’t have an exact idea of the time. I just feared the worst. I had another list of errands to run before I could go to the embassy. I had to get a ‘recent passport size photo against a white background’, pay the visa application fees at a Scotiabank bank branch and get the printout of the SEVIS receipt and an envelope from Staples.

I went to the Staples first because I had been there last time and I knew where it was. I Purchased the envelope and got the printouts then asked her if she knew any place nearby where I could get my photo taken. She showed me a list of photo studios around downtown and their addresses. But she did not let me use the computer right there to google-map it. “What a bitch!” I thought. I definitely wasn’t my usual self. I had gotten extremely jumpy, touchy and irritable. I stomped out of the store.

I went to the Scotiabank branch on Queen street and resumed my scanning of the walls. “I must know what time it is!” After what seemed like an eternity, it was finally my turn! The teller didn’t slack; I wouldn’t have let him! I then went on my quest to find the photo studio. In the panic, I almost drove myself nuts thinking “I have been around here a hundred times before; Why can’t I find these places now that I really need them?”

I tried the photo booth in Eaton Center. But I did not have the right coins. It needed toonies while I only had quarters and loonies. Never before had I hated the convenience of being able to carry $2 coins in your pocket. I kicked the stupid photo booth, shook my fist and went to the Blacks photo store. Another customer was getting his photo taken in a corner. “This is going to take a while!” I thought and walked to the counter.

“Hello, how are you?” The guy asked as if he had all the time in the world.

“I need passport photo for US visa.” I said cutting to the chase.

“okay, that’ll be $15. Wait here for your turn.”

I got my picture taken by an amateur who was probably just out of high school. He was using a D40 with the on-camera flash! Having worked with a great photographer at my internship and learning as much as I did about portrait photography and the use of flash, I was appalled at how ridiculous this setup was. “And I’m paying $15 for this?!!” I was outraged! But there was nothing I could do.

I browsed around the store while I waited. I thought “I should have gotten my picture taken first, and then gone out to do my other tasks; while they printed on their Stone Age printers that take a century for a tiny 2x2 print!” There was just no end to my miseries and my ranting! Numerous “Almost done.” And “he’ll be right out with it” later, I finally had my photos in my hand! I look at the clock; it had been 20 minutes since I walked in. They lied about the 15 minutes!

It was already 5 minutes past the given time. However, I remembered from the last time that they start letting people in at the given time, and depending on the number of people and how slow the security is… well, in a nutshell, I was confident I was still going to get inside. Whether I was going to get a visa? I was not so sure.

I started seeing bad signs as soon as I walked through the security. There was an Asian girl standing in front of me talking to the staff. She just wanted to go to the states to attend a wedding but the form she had, said student visa. He asked her if she has the I-20 form. She was clueless. He explained to her the situation and that she is going to have to reschedule. She said she had already booked the tickets. But that didn’t matter to the officer. She started crying. My heart sank.

When he was looking over my forms, I struck up a conversation, asked him if he was new. Yes, he was in training. I asked, “How many people come in on an average day, did the number fluctuate in winter or summer?” making small talk with him. It helped me relax a little. I had all the required papers; he let me in. I overheard an older couple mentioning that they don’t have photos, they were directed to the photo booth. If only I had known! I could have saved $10 and time and energy by just directly coming here!

The room was more crowded than the last time I was here; January the day of President Obama’s swearing in ceremony. I sat there overhearing people’s conversations, the questions the interviewers were asking the applicants, the news on the tv… I remember the first time it was broadcasting Obama’s ceremony. This time, I don’t remember. All I remember is seeing the faces of the people who had been denied. I thought I might get denied too. But I feared to think What if I get denied.

I kept telling myself “You aced it last time. You’re going to do it again!” I thought back to the mock job interviews that were conducted and recorded at my internship at Bell Mobility, Canada. I was pointed out what I shouldn’t do and how I can improve my interviewee skills. One of the pointers was that my volume went down as my confidence in the answer went down and I would start to kinda mumble.

All I needed was some pep talk. And since nobody else was going to give it to me, I thought to myself, “My English is awesome, I am dressed well, I have an amazing background, they want me to come study there!” And by the time my name was called, I was so confident that I swore I am not walking out of here without a visa or without a fight! In retrospect, picking a fight is probably not the thought you should have in your head when you go for a visa interview.

I walked over, stood straight at a distance from the window. Didn’t lean in, didn’t crane my neck forward, did not put my hands on the counter.

“What are you going to be studying?”

“Animation.”

“It’s an expensive school, who’s paying for this?”

“My father” I handed him the financial papers. I remembered how after my mock job interview I was told to not just give one word answers and explain yourself.

“what does he do? Does he make enough money?”

“He’s an accountant. They did offer me a scholarship…” I continued…

“Yeah I saw that” He interrupted, obviously not liking my casual conversational tone.

“Do you have a sibling?” He said, still looking at the papers

“Yes, a sister.” I kept it brief as I was a little surprised what this question had to do with anything.

“Where is she?”

“Back in India.”

“Doesn’t she want to study abroad?”

I then understood why he was going into such detail about my family. However, I was getting annoyed at his questions.

“No. She’s very close to the family, she won’t want to leave and go so far away to study.” I replied haughtily.

I guess there was nothing else he could ask. There was no reason for him to deny me. Unlike my friend Natansh who was told he’d have to go back to his home country to apply as he had been in Canada less than 6 months; or another friend of a friend who was told by the embassy in his home country that they cannot override the rejection of the US embassy in Canada; I did not have to hear any excuse.

The interviewer had my papers; he saw that I had been a good student at Sheridan and that I had enough financial backing to support myself while I was studying. I had just gotten myself a very prestigious internship in Toronto and I am confident and determined enough that I will stop at nothing. So he accepted defeat and just said, “Okay your Visa has been approved. You’ll get your passport in the mail.”

I thanked him and walked away. What I really wanted to do was jump up and shout “yippeee!” I was extremely happy. But I had no one to share it with. I didn’t have my cellphone so I couldn’t call and let anyone know. I had to wait till I got back home. All my excitement bundled up inside. As I journeyed back home, I thought I should go back and apologize to that lady at TD bank; I should again thank the lady at Staples for giving me the list of photo places nearby.

I had gotten my visa, great! But the next day, I still had to go to work; finally tell the guys about my visa and my plans to go to SCAD. Not to mention the packing and moving my life from Canada to USA in a few weeks from then. Sure, I now had the confidence of knowing where my life’s going but nothing’s ever that easy. I still wasn’t ready for the new set of problems that awaited me in the months after I stepped out that door with my bags. But one thing was certain: nobody can take this experience away from me.

Anup nightmare

This was the dream I had on my last night in Canada.. or my FIRST night in USA after that. I tend to forget the exact date. However, it featured my notorious cousin, Anup. You could say he's right up there in the top 5 of the list of my worst enemies! But I simply don't like him.

In this particularly traumatic dream, I see that my 75-205mm tele-zoom lens has been destroyed. The glass completely shattered and left lying around. Like someone left it there on purpose for me to see it. I find out that it's none other than Anup.

I am extremely pissed! In a fit of rage, (that's very unlike me) I am screaming at the top of my lungs, swearing my head off at him, not caring that I'm in our house, around family. I walk angrily towards him and grab him....

Even I was afraid to see what I would do next....

Luckily, I woke up. Albeit cold but sweaty; traumatized..
and the first thing I had to do, was check my tele-zoom lens and make sure it was intact.

Should I be sorry for what I dreamt?

Some dreams are like re-runs. They play a plot in your head that you've already seen before. And depending on whether you liked them last time, or whether you finished it last time or not, you may decide to stick around and 'watch' that dream again. I had a similar dream a few days ago, one of my last nights in Canada.

I don't know why but it felt like I have been a part of this plot before. Either I did not know how it ended or I was just enjoying it a little too much; hence, I stuck around. It ended with somebody getting shot. I, without even thinking about it for a second, 'walked out' of the 'theatre'. Was it my conscience that had just died? How could I not feel anything for a person that had just died? For the person I probably killed? Twice?

Just sent this off to my coworkers

Hello everyone,

I would like to thank you all for making my time at the PMP one of the best experiences ever. I will never forget all the time I spent amongst you. I consider myself really honored to have been a part of such a wonderful workforce. Such great colleagues.

I will really miss all the little things; like greeting each other in the morning, walking to the other side of the building for a tim hortons breakfast, getting a ride back home, friday outings, and group lunches in the kitchen.. specially the group lunches in the kitchen.

And slowly, as the realization dawns on me that I am flying to the states in two days from now; I start to wish more and more that it wasn't so. That it could last just a little bit longer..

I know it's the long weekend but I want to get up and head back to work tomorrow morning....

I didn't say bye, because I didn't want it to be the end, or the last of it. I specifically stayed away from the I've learnt this, I've learnt that crap.. because I knew if I did that, I would start lying or making things up or fabricating it to try and be politically correct. What I sent off in the letter is pure unadulterated feeling. And I don't know many people who feel the same way about their jobs/position/internship. Thus I consider myself lucky.

I posted this here, also because I didn't end up finding everyone's email address, so just because your address wasn't on the list, doesn't mean I wanted to leave you out.

But there are definitely those who deserve special mention: These were the people who made it that much more special for me.
Michael Fiorillo: Learnt so much about photography from you.
Jimmy Cho: brought a much needed happy and positive attitude in the room when we were at the height of the disrest.(the disrest part is a long story)
Michelle Cortese:But ofcourse for your great sense of humor and comic antics.
George Wu: oh so many reasons... my first interviewee, believe it or not, I learnt a lot of things by working with him. He went so far and beyond in order to help me out...He is one of the few colleagues I can call a friend
Umar Bacchus: the person to always count on, trust with my eyes closed.
Mengyu Ran: like the older sibling you always like to fight with.. because you know it's so much fun!(wow! I never thought I would say that, but I could really think of nothing else!)
Danny Adhim: awesome comic timing, always pushing it, (no pun intended, Danny)bordering on the offensive and inapropriate, still we all enjoy it.
And lastly, Henry Mar: who always got me pumped up every time he walked into the room-be it with a new gadget for us, or a great new idea! He was always inviting me to go do something with my creativity.

May 27 2009

I did not want to write/post something before finding out whether I got the bell internship or not. because if I had failed to get the internship, I would just skip this whole event as if it had never happened. And for everyone else but me, it would be like I never wore that suit, I never opened that tie, never bought new shoes and did not do the presentation.

It began with reading the posting on jobs.sheridan.ca

I believe it's because of my updated/reformatted resume. I had been applying for so many jobs but I wasn't hearing back from any one of them. So when I was applying for this unpaid internship, I went through my resume, looked it over, and added a little splash of color to make the content more distinguishable.

I was pleasantly surprised to get an email from the PMP recruitment.  I read through it, and at first I was a little skeptical, because of the word 'survey' in the body of the email. I filled out the survey even though I was thinking this is probably just to do some market research and I'm not going to hear back from them again.

But I did. Brendan called me up while I was on the bus and scheduled an interview for monday 25th may 09. I guess that was my lucky day. Because despite of how freaking nervous I was about meeting these people, regardless of how unprepared I felt I was, I guess I did something very right. Right there, Brendan told me I should expect to get a call from them for a second interview. I was now in the 5th stage of the recruitment program.

How I spent the weekend before my interview (Or how I didn't prepare for the interview)

I will never forget that weekend. I went to Canada's wonderland on saturday 23rd may. It was an awesome trip and I really enjoyed. 8 thrilling rides in one day! Even hours after i was back home and resting on the bed, my head was feeling like I'm still going through a roller coaster. I was fatigued and I would randomly feel weightless or like I'm in a loop or corkscrew bend.

The next day, I was supposed to sit down and strictly work on some illustrations and put a portfolio book together to show at the interview. I woke up early, thought I would go get a haircut- look more presentable for the interview. But the saloon I went to, was closed on sunday. I got a call from Doni while I was out, about going grocery shopping. I walked around in Cloverdale mall-in front of food basics, to try and find a barber shop. Only one of the 3 was open at the time, and the price was $17. I decided not to get a haircut and just get over with the shopping and get to work.

After the shopping, I worked on my tiger illustration for a while. I had talked to Doni about borrowing his shoes for the interview, and I was supposed to go buy a shirt for the interview. Instead of going to eaton centre, which would take us much longer, we decided to go to Sherway garden mall. After changing two buses, we got there just before closing time... Still, lot of the smaller stores were closed. Only sears was open.

Uh Sir, you cannot keep opening and trying on shirts..

The shopping experience at Sears needs another blog entry for itself. For now, I got a white shirt that I didn't absolutely hate. It was going to be worn under my suit anyways, so it didn't matter that it was a little loose.

By the way, did you finish that portfolio you were planning to present to them?

I worked away on my illustration in Illustrator CS4 till about 3 am in the morning. I went to bed when I felt it was at a satisfactory level of finished-ness. Woke up again at 6 or something. I needed to find out if there was a Staples around their office so that I could go print out this PDF that I had been working on. I ended up buying two ipod touch applications for TTC bus routes and schedules. One of them was actually helpful in finding the numbers of buses I would need to take and names of stops where I'd have to get off.

Dressed in my suit, with the tie knotted perfectly, I head out with my backpack on my shoulder. (Damn that looked so out of place!) By the way, tying the tie wasn't as difficult as it was a few days ago - the day of Rajat's screening. Actually I also had some help in the form of instructions on the back of the box of the tie. Yes, I had never even worn the tie before!

So you're saying you ran into staples wearing a suit and carrying your jansport backpack?

Yeah, Doni said I was leaving too early for my interview but I knew finding the staples in a place I've never been before was going to take a while. I got off the second bus, and started walking around. I felt like an eskimo in a fur coat on a tropical beach. I was definitely feeling awkward having never worn this suit before. And I was walking down the road looking totally lost! Noone to ask for directions!

Upon finally finding the wretched Staples, I got my stuff printed off asap, and then started looking for the bus back. But I was in Missisauga now. No TTC bus would pass so I resorted to walking. I am trying to find creekbank road and the entrance to the office building without a gps, compass or map.  Took me a while. But in the end, I arrived in the lobby some 20 minutes before designated time.

"So what do you know about our program?"

Hehe.. I used my time wisely to catch up on reading their brochure pdf. I didn't think it helped me all that much though. Because the interview was.. now that I look back on it.. all about me and Henry. He is the senior director of PMP. And I don't know how, when he came in, he got me pumped up, just set me on fire and made me go! I remember going back and forth about the GPS/geotagging photo question he posed in front of me!

Brendan asked me some generic questions and I answered them honestly like I always do. They had my resume and the survey I filled out in their hands.. OH! THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS FOR! They were asking me questions relating to that, and some of the same questions to verify that what I filled out was actually true.
 
So the interview went good, yada yada yada.. you already told us you got called in for second interview. What happened next?

For that, I guess you'll have to wait for my next post!

The blog post I didn't finish about the dream I don't remember anymore

30th May 2009

Had a very weird dream last night. Weird because it came out of nowhere..

Let me set it up for you..

I was supposed to get my I20 form from SCAD. I had gotten a call from Fed Ex guy the day before, asking about the buzzer number. But the stupid apartment doesn't have a buzzer phone. So my wise ass landlord told me to tell the delivery guy to ask for the superintendent. However, the delivery guy came, while I was out, and left a note on the glass and left.

When I came back to see this, I got disgruntled. Waited for the landlord to get out of the bathroom and told him about it. He said he'll talk to the management office.. but the lady said she can't accept packages. He told me to go talk to the super, and he too, refused saying that he's not going to be in his suite all the time.

"Fuck all that!" I said, and texted Doni to ask for his address because I was going to redirect the shipment. However, even he didn't reply back with the address. He said he's going to give it to me when he gets back. Alright then! Now there's nothing left for me to do. So I just went to sleep.

Later that evening, I got a call from Rajat. Now he was going to be moving in with me from June onwards. he calls me up and tells me he might not be moving in with me, but instead go live with some of his relative. damn! My plan of paying less rent from the next month onwards were devastated. Fuck! I was in the lowest mood  in a long time! I haven't gotten a job yet, I still don't have my I20 form in my hand, and now this!

I couldn't go to sleep very easily because I had slept in the evening. But when I did, I know I had a dream I would have liked to blog about..